About Me

The signs were there, even when I was a young girl.

I remember reading about ‘a day in the life’ of some ER doctors in a newspaper article my father gave me, and I could feel the yearning – at the ripe old age of 10 – to help people. Healing became my thing.

I decided (at 10) to become a reconstructive plastic surgeon because I could help those who were in the most pain. Little did I realize, I was yearning for help with my own pain.

My life appeared to be fine. I grew up with an intact family, in a mid-to-upper class neighborhood, attended private schools and had friends. But inside, I felt alone and sad, unimportant and empty. I pushed myself to be the best at school or music, yet I didn’t do the things that would have truly fed my soul, like dancing or playing soccer.

At fourteen, I developed an eating disorder, and my feelings of self-hatred and despair deepened while I continued to hide them from everyone.

At 18, my father died in an ocean drowning accident in my presence. Looking back, that was a turning point in my life. Soon after, I decided not to pursue a medical degree, and my awareness also opened up to life after death.

I continued to want to heal and help others, although my focus turned away from disease and toward health. I studied nutrition, taught aerobics, became certified as a personal trainer and ultimately owned a women’s health club.

However, due to my own beliefs about myself (I can see this so clearly now!), I was unable to sustain a successful club, and ultimately I closed it.

I had a lot of irate women on my hands, and it was one of the most disturbing and scary times of my life. I felt like a failure, I felt inadequate, and I felt validated that I wasn’t good enough to be successful.

Fast forward about 7 years, and I was married, with two young children (a boy and a girl) whom I had given birth to, and plenty of financial abundance. My husband and I felt so blessed that we decided to adopt another child who we could love and who could have opportunities otherwise probably not available to her.

Alicia by tree-1We subsequently adopted 26-month-old twins (a boy and a girl). I was elated! I had two boys, two girls, and I felt such satisfaction with the life I’d manifested. Little did I know how short-lived that joy would be.

Over the next few years, we experienced the effects of the twins’ grossly inadequate neglectful beginnings and their resulting attachment disorder. Enormous tantrums, incessant hyperactivity, oppositional defiance, screaming that would go on for hours relentlessly, uncontrolled bowels, and so much more which I can’t even adequately describe in words. Little by little, day by day, what we experienced in our family took its toll.

As the twins grew older, their problems got worse, despite everything we tried, and we realized they had been exposed to illegal and very damaging drugs while in utero. The literature even states that the symptoms become more apparent as the children age, and I was witnessing exactly what they were describing.

By the time the twins were 10, I was miserable, to say the least. I would collapse regularly on my bathroom floor at night and sob in desperation, wondering how I was going to get through another day. I didn’t know what to do or where to turn. I felt completely out-of-control and helpless to change anything. I felt such shame, like somehow I was to blame for not being able to effectively heal or help my children. And I was in so much pain that I couldn’t even feel the love I knew I had for them anymore. I felt like a failure as a mom.

Then one evening, a light bulb went off in my head. I recognized that if what I was hearing from the spiritual teachings was true, I had to follow my own happiness.

And I was not at all happy. No one was happy in our family. Watching my biological children suffer because of the twins’ behaviors, I knew that everyone’s health was at stake, our physical, mental and emotional health. My wonderful husband couldn’t keep holding the family together while ignoring his own suffering either; I had to choose another way even if I didn’t feel like choosing it.

My choice was to give up my children. I knew that I’d be harshly judged for my decision (one of the reasons I’m sure I hadn’t considered it more seriously before) but I also knew I was listening to my own authentic inner guidance. I was finally listening to the messages I had ignored and denied, telling myself ‘I couldn’t possibly do that. What kind of mom gives up her kids?’ I tapped into a faith that there was another, better path for the twins, one which would allow all of us to thrive again. It was a true lesson in listening to and acting on what was most authentic for me.

SONY DSCOnce we decided to let the twins go, I felt myself let go too; I didn’t know how I was going to make it happen, but I put one foot in front of the other, prayed for the best outcome for all, and watched what showed up. And the Universe presented solutions I would never have expected.

Within 6 weeks, we had found the perfect family for them, a family that was familiar with the behaviors we were experiencing and who were committed to raising and adopting them together (a big concern for me). And we let them go.

cherry blossomsIt was in the flames of the excruciating grief, sadness, shame, anger, disbelief, and the deep well of other feelings I experienced, where I began to burn away the layers of myself that had been keeping me trapped. I began to awaken to all that I truly am and move toward my more authentic life.

Looking back, I realize that once I chose to make my feelings a priority, my life began to change. I became more aware and more awake; I asked questions, read books, listened to spiritual teachers, and found support in my own transformational coach. All the while, my intention was to wake up to all that I am, to all that I can be, to become aware of what had been holding me back, and to learn the truths that would allow me to heal, feel free and make a difference in the world, while feeling brave and confidant enough to step into it all.

I now feel alive. The pain I had, emotionally and physically, is gone.

The feelings of despair and dread that I felt daily are also gone. I feel empowered and at peace; I often realize that the things that used to bother me just don’t anymore. My biological kids are thriving without the chaos and pain of our former life (although they’re now teenagers, which brings its own set of challenges) and we regularly travel the world sharing new experiences and enjoying each other’s company. Life is good, and I couldn’t have imagined it a few years back.

What about my long-standing desire to help and heal people? It’s now a reality. Having walked the path myself and healed, I know how to help others. Having walked the path and healed, I can lay the path out for you, which is exactly what I have done in my Authentic Health eBook.

white rose

Image courtesy of criminalatt at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My purpose is to help you feel empowered so that you end the nights of crying on the bathroom floor wondering how you will get through the next day, or who will help you.

I’m here to help you. Ultimately, I want you to heal yourself so you can make the difference in the world you’re meant to make. People are out there who need you, and it’s time for you to open up to all that you are, living your most authentic and healthy fabulous life.

To move toward that life now:

  • Fill in your name and email in the box to the upper right of the page to download my Authentic Health eBook
  • Do the exercises and use the tools I’ve described. Find a partner you can work with if you want more accountability.
  • Request a ‘Rapid Health Turnaround’ coaching session if you really want to uncover what’s fueling your helplessness and pain, and quickly jumpstart your progress toward health, freedom and authenticity.

Coaching Session

I can’t wait to hear all about your journey to your most authentic health!

Much love,

Alicia